The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
