I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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