I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
