dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
