I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
