Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
