Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
