i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
