hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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