hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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