Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
