FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
