there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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