He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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