omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
