we have officially lost it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
