i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
