You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
