so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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