dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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