??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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