dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
