Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
