i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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