your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
