he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
