the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
