he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
