he wants to bone in the snuggie
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
