seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
