I'm eating all of the evidence.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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