we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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