So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
