hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
