I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
