you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
