Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
