thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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