Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
