I wish my penis had an off switch
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
