Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
