I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
