hotel room ftw
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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