Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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