perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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