My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
