worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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