you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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