watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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