the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's official drugs can't kill me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
